Jan. 4th, 2011

catriana_fiction: (sasuhina)
So, after talking to folks and coming to my own conclusion, I decided to turn down the publishing offer. It was not a matter of not being able to afford it, because I can. In the end, it came down to a matter of self-esteem and pride. And yes, I'm making this public.

For those who know me, you know that when it comes to my writing, I'm not an individual of high self-esteem. Oh, I know I'm not a shitty writer. I'm not in denial. But do I think I'm amazing? No, not really. I feel myself to be pretty average, and many times I doubt myself. I doubt my skills and I doubt my ideas. A lot of people go through this and I am certainly no exception. Perhaps I'm harder on myself than I need to be, I have no idea.

In any case, the point is that the publisher I selected was a Vanity Press and I hadn't realized it at the time. For those, like me, who don't know: a Vanity Press is about the same as Self-publishing, except they do it for you. Yes, you have more freedom as to what you can do, but it's usually expensive and this was no different. It wasn't a matter of them not being a legit company, because they are. Vanity Presses are excellent for individuals who have already planned on self publishing as the advertising is mostly done for them. You should always promote your own book as well, but that's beside the point.

The point is that Vanity Presses aren't really selective about who they publish because they don't need to. Unlike traditional publishers, Vanity Press publishers aren't risking anything, really. You're paying for it, whereas with a traditional publisher, they're footing the bill.

And that, my friends, is where the self-esteem and pride comes in.

Yes, the website claims that they only approve 2-3 manuscripts a year, but that sounds unrealistic to me. What if the books don't really sell? They're not making a solid profit off of only what, 6 - 10 thousand a year? If the books do sell, then great, but I'm still skeptical. Where I'm basically going with this is that I feel like if I take this, I'll be questioning whether or not if I was selected because I was good, or if it's because they want my money. If I question that, I'll just continue to question whether or not I'm good enough. I don't want that. I don't want those lingering doubts.

So here's what I'm going to do:

Destined has turned into a series of short stories surrounding Naliel and Sarnaiel. I'm going to add two more 5,000 words chapters to make it come out to 50,000. As I do that, I'm going to go over Arcanus chapter by chapter.  I will be uploading Arcanus on a special filter. If you wish to read it, comment here and let me know. If no one responds, I won't upload it. I'll just give it to my beta. My plan is to have this done by the end of the month. Then, I'll submit it to the publishing company that had asked for me to expand on Destined and resubmit it. I willl submit both novels if I can. I will be going over it as well. I could certainly use feedback, but if not that's fine.

I will only work on fanfiction on an off and on basis. Sorry, but this is more important to me right now.

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February 2012

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