Pairing: SasuNeji, one sided NaruSasu
Notes: I had actually finished this a day ago, just didn't feel like posting.
I had known from the beginning that it hadn’t been about love, not really. I’m not sure what made him decide to jump from her to me, I never really thought to question it. The entire thing was just two kids being curious, that’s how it had started out. Neither of us ever intended for it to go beyond kissing and yet it did. Kissing, touching, and much more.
We kept it secret for more than one reason, really. We didn’t want anyone knowing that we were, basically, doing ‘gay’ things. For the most part, he’s straight. I’ve never held a sexual preference, I’ve never really cared for romance.
And this isn’t a romance. It’s purely physical. Instead of going to a friend’s house to play video games, we’d play video games...and have sex. It feels good and so we do it for those reasons, friends with benefits, I guess.
At least, that’s how I had seen it.
Now I don’t know so much anymore. To me, sex was a better way of getting off than using my hand. It didn’t mean anything to me and I had thought he had felt the same. I didn’t know that there were people who could make you feel incredible with just a look. Who could drive you insane with lust just by licking their lips or gazing deep into your eyes. I didn’t know that desiring someone could be so intense. I’ve never wanted someone as much as I do this person, and so I had thought the solution to be simple.
Stop the friends with benefits deal.
I might not place a high value on sex but I’m not stupid, other people do. These feelings are more than just physical, however, and I know that means something. I want to be with this person, I want to do those stupid relationship things that couples do. I want to go on dates and do all of that sappy teenage shit. This wasn’t instantaneous; it’s only been this year that I’ve felt this way and it’s only been this month that I’ve finally admitted it to myself. I don’t even know if this person will be into me, mostly because they’re a guy and I don’t think they’re gay.
I guess I can officially call myself gay now, huh? It’s weird, I still don’t feel anything one way or another for gender, but this person...it’s different. Whatever, mom always said I wasn’t a normal kid.
I thought it would be easy to go up to my friend and go ‘let’s cut this shit out’. I mean, he was still in love with that girl – or so I had thought – so no harm done. It would suck, because sex is amazing, but we’d deal. That’s what I had figured. So now I feel incredibly awkward sitting here on my bed with him on the floor, staring at me like I’m some sort of fucking mental retard who just spoke gibberish. Drool and all.
“What do you mean, you wanna break up?” he asked and I raised a brow.
“Break up?” I asked incredulously. “We’re not together.”
This was news to him, I guess, because he jumped up, looking upset and defensive. “Whaddaya mean we ain’t together? Of course we are!”
This isn’t good. If I had known he was thinking like that, I would have said something a long time ago. “Idiot, people in relationship do things besides have sex. Like go on dates,”
“We do go on dates!”
“Dude, the arcade does not count as a date.” I’ve never been in a relationship and I know that much. “And eating at a burger joint is not taking someone out to dinner.”
He deflated at this. “Yeah...but...”
Time to put in the final blow. “And you’re still in love with her.”
A wince. He knows I’m right and for a long time we’re both quiet, sitting in my room and ignoring the television going on in the background. Well, I’m half listening. It’s that show called ‘Penn and Teller’s Bullshit’ and I kind of like it.
“There’s someone else, isn’t there.”
He didn’t phrase it as a question so I didn’t take it as one. I decide not to answer, because I really don’t want him to know. He’s my best friend, but his mouth’s as big as Ino’s and I honestly don’t know what he’ll do if he finds out. I guess somewhere down the line he started actually liking me and I don’t want dumb drama. The guy isn’t even gay...that I know of.
“You should ask her out,” is what I finally say. “She’s warmed up to you since freshman year, Naruto. She knows I don’t like her like that. You might actually have a chance now, so –“
“What if I don’t like her like that anymore, Sasuke?” blue eyes snapped up to me and all I can do is blink at him. “What if I love someone else?” What if I love you?
I heard the unspoken question and closed my eyes briefly. Standing, I walk over to my bedroom door and open it. “All the more reason to end this then. You should be with someone who loves you.”
A cold shiver went up my spine when I heard the words. “I’m not giving up on this.” As I closed the door. I should just tell him the truth, that there is someone else...but I can’t. Not yet. Not until I know whether or not my feelings will be returned or if I’ll get told to fuck off.
Still, those words left me with a bad feeling.
Remember that bad feeling I told you about?
FIVE THOUSAND YEN TO WHOEVER CAN FIGURE OUT WHO UCHIHA SASUKE IS IN LOVE WITH.
I’m staring at the poster that’s plastered all over the school with the crappiest drawing of me ever. There’s a heart around a ‘mystery person’. This has Naruto’s name on it.
Seriously; it literally has that idiot’s name on it. He’s the one offering the reward.
“Naruto...” from the corner of my eye I notice the thick dark aura I’m emitting is scaring off people in the halls. My hands are clenched and I really want to just break something. Preferably Naruto’s face. I should have known he’d do this. He’s an extremist and will do anything to accomplish his goals.
So I take a few deep breaths and count to ten. I really don’t want to waste the twenty thousand yen my mother spent on anger management classes for me...since if I get in trouble Itachi will rip me a new one. With that done, I walk to class. I don’t bother taking down the posters, the entire school has already eaten it up long before I arrived.
The one day Naruto decides to get here before me and my life goes to hell. This is karma or something.
“I can’t believe it, Sasuke-kun is really in love with someone?” I hear this as I reach the door and stand back a bit, curious.
“Yeah, I’m pretty positive.” That was Naruto. “He won’t tell me though! I’m his best friend!”
My brow twitches. Yeah, we’re best friends, I won’t deny it but that’s not the reason he wants to know.
“Well, I want to know too!” another mindless fangirl. Is it any surprise I’m gay? Is it really?
“Do you think it’s a girl from this school?” fangirl number seventy-five or something. I don’t know, I give them random numbers. It keeps me from flipping out on them when they annoy me en masse.
“Naw, Sasuke is definitely into dudes.” I can practically hear Naruto shaking his head. “I know that much.”
The dark aura from earlier fills the classroom, scaring off the fangirls. I’m now standing behind Naruto, fist raised to crush in his skull.
“Naruto...” that’s his warning. He pauses and turns to look up at me. Blue eyes widen with fear. He smiles nervously, raising his hands as if to pacify me.
“S-Sasuke...” he chuckled. “You uh, heard that?”
“I’m going to kill you so hard...” I growl at him. “I hope you’re prepared to die.”
“Wait!” he started waving his hands frantically. “C’mon, don’t be like that! I mean, it’s not like you really care what everyone else thinks and besides, how else was I gonna find out if you won’t tell me?”
He has a point but it still doesn’t mean he’s off the hook. I don’t really care if people know I’m gay – although I’m kind of just getting into the idea myself – but it doesn’t mean I want my business broadcasted. But this is Naruto and he doesn’t think, he just reacts.
“Whatever.” I’m not in the mood to deal with it. The damage is done and maybe, just maybe, the fangirls will leave me alone now. I guess I should thank him, if anything. I move to go sit at my desk.
“Hey, bastard,” I turn to Naruto who is giving me a serious look. “So, you gonna tell me?”
Rolling my eyes, I shrugged. “Have fun dishing out five thousand yen to whoever gets it.” Which they won’t, because the guy doesn’t even go to this school. He already graduated. “Loser.” I add, just because I know it’ll rile him up.
It does, and I can’t hide the smirk that emerges. I might not be in love with the idiot, but he is my best friend and I do care. I’ll just never admit it. Ever. Besides, it’s too easy, and funny, to piss him off.
The rest of the day is pretty typical, considering. I get asked a million questions by a million girls about who I like. The ‘I’m gay’ thing has spread like herpes and I’m not sure how I feel about it. The fangirls still won’t leave me alone and the two openly gay guys in the school are now giving me looks that make me uncomfortable.
Lunch is awkward. I don’t really have a lot of ‘friends’. The guys I hang around at school are mostly Naruto’s friends. They all acted weird and uncomfortable around me, as if I was going to start dry humping their legs suddenly. Sorry assholes, but if I didn’t want you before I sure as hell don’t want you now.
Oh wait, Naruto’s to blame for their asinine line of thinking. Thanks, ‘best friend’.
The final bell doesn’t come fast enough. I’m out the door and on the streets before the echo dies down. Naruto is right behind me and I’m really not in the mood for him.
“Sasuke!” I ignore him and keep walking. The bus stop isn’t far. “Sasuke, you bastard, wait up!” Naruto needs a mute button...
“Sa-suke!” the noise erupts right in my left ear and my natural reaction is to slam my fist against the idiot who dared to do something like that to me. There’s a crunching sound as my fist connects to Naruto’s face and I have to admit, I feel a little better now. Today was hell.
Spluttering, he makes some noises I guess was supposed to be conversation and I help him up. “Stupid. What did you think was going to happen, yelling in my ear like that?”
“Damn...dat hursh...” he quickly adjusts his nose – Naruto has always had freakish healing abilities. “Did ya have to hit me so hard? It’s gonna be swollen for hours!”
“Today sucked. I blame you.” I start walking again. I’m not much for conversations. “You told the entire school I was gay.”
“Well, aren’t you?” he fell into step beside me and I shrugged.
“I guess I am now. It’s just annoying.”
“Yeah...” he looks sheepish and it almost makes me forgive him. Almost. He’s really lucky I don’t care about what other people really think about me. “But I mean, I tried to think of how I’d get you to tell me who it is you like, but I know you! You’ll never tell!”
This is getting ridiculous. We’re at my bus stop now and I turn to him. “What makes you think there’s someone anyway? I never said there was.”
He snorted. “Because you wouldn’t have stopped what we were doing unless it was that. You always have a reason for doing stuff.”
I decided not to argue that point, even though I could. He’s right, but there could have been many reasons for me breaking it off. “Naruto, even if I do like someone else, what does it matter? It won’t change anything.”
The hurt look on his face makes me feel a little bad. If I had known he had fallen for me, I really would have broken things off sooner. I mean; nothing had changed between us. In the beginning, we had both agreed we were just doing it because it felt good, that we weren’t going to let it change our friendship.
But as fast as it shows up it’s gone, replaced by a goofy grin. “Gotta know who my competition is, you know? If I know, then I can figure out how I can get you back!”
I don’t point out, again, that we were never an item. “Naruto...this isn’t funny. I know you’re all about ‘never giving up’ but this...” my phone buzzes right as the bus rounds the corner. It’s a text message from Itachi. I ignore it to finish my sentence but Naruto is already turning to leave.
“Well, you better catch your bus, bastard! I’ll text you later tonight!” he takes off before I can say another word. This is getting irritating.
Naruto isn’t going to give up without a fight. He’ll keep trying to get me to like him even though I’d rather just keep my best friend. If he finds out about who I like, it’ll be annoying and probably embarrassing. He’s just as bad as Sakura, she’s still determined to win me over even after the whole ‘Sasuke is gay’ confirmation. I can feel the headaches already.
Flipping open my phone as I get on the bus, it’s all I can do to keep my stoic look going as I read the text. Itachi won’t be home for dinner tonight, leaving me alone with our roommate. With him. This has gone from bad to worse.
I’ve never been alone with him, he unnerves me. I feel strange and I don’t always feel in control of my actions. I’m already stressed out because of today, who knows what the hell will come out of my mouth? I’m pretty sure he’s straight which means if I do say something stupid, it’s going to make the next five to six years of him staying with us very...awkward.
Fuck my life.
When I finally get off of work and walk into the house, I know instantly that he’s here. Music is blaring downstairs in the garage, the usual sign that he’s working out. I decide to leave him alone so that I can get the first shower in.
I got the text from Itachi saying he wouldn’t be home tonight for dinner, and it’s his night to cook. That’s fine by me, since I was in the mood to go out tonight anyway. The problem is being around him for any extended period of time. Alone.
I’ve been living here with the Uchiha brothers for about seven months now. I moved out to get away from my father. As much as I love him, he’s as controlling as my uncle and I wanted to have some freedom for once. I already work part time at the firm until I can work full time after my degree; I don’t need to live with them too now that I’m an adult.
The brothers live alone in the house they inherited when their parents died in a freak sailing accident. I’ve known Itachi for a while and he was the one who offered and I was grateful. I still am, even though I knew what I would be getting into.
I’ve liked his brother ever since I first laid eyes on him years ago when he was a freshman in school. I never said anything and we rarely interacted. He was always hanging around Uzumaki Naruto, who my cousin has – or is it had? I have no idea – a serious crush on. Besides, the guy has a ridiculous amount of fangirls, I didn’t want to add to that list.
We’ve managed to avoid each other pretty well when we’re alone although we hold no animosity towards one another. Besides, I think he’s more than ‘just friends’ with Uzumaki. Call it a feeling.
Dismissing that, I go and take a long and well deserved shower. My father and uncle are seriously stressing me out with all of their demands of perfection from me. For one, I’m a full time student, you would think they would be a little more sympathetic. I get that I’m a ‘genius’, but even geniuses need things like sleep, food, a semblance of a social life. Tenten and Lee are practically ignoring me now because of all the times I had to ditch them last minute for my family.
I don’t want to lose them; they’ve been my friends since we could walk. They’re the ones who have kept me from losing it when things got too rough at home. Then there’s Hinata. I wish I could get her out of that house, they’re breaking her.
“Damnit.” I sigh as I dry myself off. “Stop thinking about it.” There’s nothing I can do, not yet. Wrapping my hair up in the towel, I pull on some pants and walk out of the bathroom to head to my room right across the hall. I glimpse raven hair and we both stop. Dark eyes take me in for only a moment before he gives me a curt nod and continues his trek upstairs. I try not to sigh as I walk into my room.
I think he dislikes me. I have no idea what I could have done to warrant it, but it does sting a little. I know nothing would ever happen between us, but it would be nice to at least be friends. Or associates. We’re roommates and I can probably sum up a total of three paragraphs worth of words spoken between us these past seven months.
After dressing and drying my hair, I go to the kitchen to see if I can dig up something to eat. My mood to go out has vanished after seeing him and I just want to eat, study, and head to bed. Unfortunately, karma is against me, because when I walk in he’s there, digging in the refrigerator. His back is to me and so I close my eyes, let out a small breath, and look neutral.
“Nothing much, is there?” I ask, mostly to just start conversation. The reaction wasn’t one I was expecting. He jumped, turning towards me with those dark eyes wide. Of course, he quickly schools his expression to one of indifference and tilts his head in slight inquiry. He’s wearing jeans and a plain black shirt, his hair looks damp from his shower. No, I don’t want to run my fingers through his hair. Don’t be absurd.
“No.” comes the response as he turns his back to me again. I notice how tense he seems now that I’m in the room. Does he really dislike me that much?
“Ah. Well, I suppose I’ll just go out then.” I wasn’t going to, but being around him feels incredibly awkward when it’s like this. “Would you...like to join me?”
Why did I ask him that? It’s obvious he doesn’t feel comfortable around me so why...
I just blink at him when he turns to me, his expression still devoid of all emotion. After a moment he shifts his gaze and his posture still screams discomfort. Probably because I’m staring at him.
“Uh, sorry.” Well, that sounded rather elegant. “I wasn’t expecting you to agree.”
His left eyebrow twitches; a wince. “If you don’t want me to go...”
“That’s not what I said.” I shake my head, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. “Look, I’ll be five minutes. If you want to come, just meet me by the door. If not, that’s fine. To be honest, you just seem uncomfortable around me, but I really wouldn’t mind the company.” And with that I head back to the bedroom to change.
When I come out and he’s waiting for me in a dark blue polo shirt and black slacks, I’m almost unable to stop the smile that wants to pop up. He looks uncomfortable, but it’s what he says next that lets me know it’s not because of what I thought it was.
“Thanks for inviting me. And I...don’t mind being around you.” When he’s unable to meet my gaze, I can’t hide the small smile that emerges.
I think I might have had it wrong this entire time...and for once I’m glad.